God, how I need this. tell me what to do. should i go with my heart or with
my brain. after 6 years of marriage, i realize, or rather i finally accept
the feeling of not being in love anymore. i will always love him
but we are just too different. he wants things in life and i want
thoughts…just too different. he supports me and cares for me but
he doesn’t get me…we’re not on the same page. so it saddens me but it
frustrates me to no end that he finally notices. where was all of this
from the beginning? I’m mad that he ruined what could have been a happy
life for the both of us because he was too lazy or comfortable to notice
or care. I’m tired. I’m tired of the lack of affection in our relationship.
I’m tired of being the one to constantly have to be the cheerleader for him
or be the one to bring him out of his stubborn small-town life shell. I wish he could
have surprised me for once or just be in tune with me for once..notice…pay attention…
actually love me.
the worst part about this mess, this beautiful mess, is that i know my decision:
I know where I want to go in life, who I want to be. I want to be able to be me,
be free, yet I don’t know how to get there. Mom said to always trust the universe
and not worry because it will provide the answers. I do and I will and I’m finally
looking forward to being truly happy. Der Weg ist das Ziel.