God, how I need this. tell me what to do. should i go with my heart or with

my brain. after 6 years of marriage, i realize, or rather i finally accept

the feeling of not being in love anymore. i will always love him

but we are just too different. he wants things in life and i want

thoughts…just too different. he supports me and cares for me but

he doesn’t get me…we’re not on the same page. so it saddens me but it

frustrates me to no end that he finally notices. where was all of this

from the beginning? I’m mad that he ruined what could have been a happy

life for the both of us because he was too lazy or comfortable to notice

or care. I’m tired. I’m tired of the lack of affection in our relationship.

I’m tired of being the one to constantly have to be the cheerleader for him

or be the one to bring him out of his stubborn small-town life shell. I wish he could

have surprised me for once or just be in tune with me for once..notice…pay attention…

actually love me.

 

the worst part about this mess, this beautiful mess, is that i know my decision:

I know where I want to go in life, who I want to be. I want to be able to be me,

be free, yet I don’t know how to get there. Mom said to always trust the universe

and not worry because it will provide the answers. I do and I will and I’m finally

looking forward to being truly happy. Der Weg ist das Ziel.

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